For the past 3 months, I have been doing an internship at Olive Crest in their Foster & Adoption center. I have been monitoring visits between abused and neglected children and their biological parents. Today, it's gotten to me. I've tried not to get attached, to not feel my heart break when I see a parent mistreat a child, to know that my job has a tiny, tiny, tiny impact on the outcome of these children's lives. But today, I've realized that I'm human. After doing one of my regular visits this morning, the thought of how the biological mother treated Sophia* turns my stomach. The way she strolled in 10 minutes late, not even acknowledging Sophia; how the only words she said to Sophia were dripping with contempt and dislike; when she said the visit "wasn't really that fun today" in front of her daughter...all these things (and more) make me cry out to God for protection for Sophia. My heart breaks for this little girl, for her confusion of who her real mommy is, for the way this woman who is supposed to love her, sacrifice for her, take care of her no matter the cost doesn't...it just infuriates me so incredibly much. After realizing this and crying to Aaron and Sophia's foster mom on the phone, my pain comes down to a simple desire: I just want to help children. I want to make life better for them. I want to fight for them, advocate for them, give them a voice and protect them from abusive and negligent parents. God, show me how to do this. Show me where to go, how to start, where to begin, who to talk to. Break my heart for what breaks yours and please never ever EVER allow my heart to be calloused to the pain of Your precious children.
*Name was changed for protection over a sweet little girl.
Skyler, I am so sorry for your pain. I understand first-hand what you are talking about, because I witnessed such heart-breaking situations at a similar site where I worked. (Monitored visitations were provided there.) I know a few things for sure, and one is that you have to give yourself time to process what you witness. The above entry is exactly what I'm talking about. Remember to keep doing things to take care of yourself emotionally, so that you have the strength to keep giving. Whatever nourishes your soul like being out in nature or exercising. If there's a way to lessen your the number of hours you work with the needy while increasing the number of hours you take care of yourself, that would be my bit of advice. Not that you need advice, but that's what I've learned. The world needs your compassion and your strength. :)
ReplyDeleteWarmly, Janice Christensen